THE MEMORY:
One of my intentions with this blog was to choose a fond memory of Pete everyday, meditate on it, apply it to my daily life and then journal my discoveries. Well ..... my plan seems to be working in reverse. Things happen in my day that bring up memories of Pete, vs me just picking out memories from my head and applying them to my day. Not what I had planned, but totally what's happening.
Like today ...... Mom called and told me that her job sent her on a business meeting with a Hospice company. The same company that watched over Uncle Pete during his last days here on earth. That triggered memories of Pete. Thru Hospice, he was able to pass on with dignity and comfort. They were truly angels. It was a complete eye opening experience for the entire family.
I understand for most, this is a very sad subject to speak about. Pete's "moment" of passing, was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Before this VERY intimate experience, I was totally freaked out by death. The days leading up to it were the worse. The fear of the unknown kept our family in a Twilight Zone of uncertainty. There were nights we could feel "death" over our roof. It was the scariest feeling ...... but why? Was it because "death" would soon take someone I loved and there was nothing I could do about it? EXACTLY! I had NO CONTROL and that scared the hell outta me! I had to let go and let God. I remember when Pete found out it was going to be a matter of weeks, not months. He was calm and accepted death and all that it came with. Never did I know how brave he was until then. He turned to my Mom and said "It's okay, I have no regrets. I would like to have Hospice at home" After that response, I realized the ones that were suffering the most were the people around him.
I guess when you know there is no hope for treatment and your body is in the process of shutting down, there's no choice but to let go and let God. That's just what Pete did. Throughout the next year, I will talk more about those last weeks with Pete, but tonight I just want to speak about his bravery.
During our last heart to heart conversation about a week before his passing, I had asked him a question. It was the only question I asked - "Are you scared?" As he wiped a tear away from his eye he replied with a slight chuckle "No, I'm not scared" All fear from my heart was instantly wiped away. I knew then, the dying process for him was going to be one of peace. I found it interesting that towards the end of the conversation, he apologized. I was floored when he said "I didn't mean to make you cry, wipe those tears before you go back out to the family room" I instantly honored his request. I wiped my eyes, told him I loved him and walked out to the family room as if nothing happened. I sensed he wanted me to be as brave as he was. I'm sure there was some fear he wasn't sharing with me, and didn't have too. He had no regrets, lived life with love and was ready for whatever God had in store for him.
THE APPLICATION:
During Mom's meeting with Hospice, she asked about volunteering. All that is needed is someone with compassion for the dying and 25 hrs of training. Today I live like Pete by practicing bravery as I highly consider the idea of assisting the dying and their families. It's the least I can do to give back to all that Hospice did for Pete and our family.
THE REFLECTION:
Don't be afraid of the unknown. Be brave. Have Faith.
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