MEMORY -
Again, I was on a plane, headed out for work. I found myself sleep walking my way through the airport and onto my 5:30 flight. I threw my carry on up above and turned to look for my isle. I was surprised to find it already occupied with a middle aged man who seemed quite cozy in my spot. The lady next to him pointed to his seat across the isle that was noted on his ticket. He apologized, as I kindly thanked the lady for taking care of the matter. I was seated by the window, her in the isle. At this point, all I wanted to do was put my blindfold on and knock out. As I attempted this simple task, I noticed she was talking randomly about her husband and their travels. It was all very interesting, but I simply couldn't focus in on her story. I took a sip of water and readjusted myself in my chair trying to shake off the sleep funk that had invaded my body. I didn't want to be rude, she was quite nice and very passionate about her story. With this challenge at hand, I began to think of Pete and what a good listener he was.
I remembered about 6 months before he passed (when we weren't yet aware of his terminal illness) we went out for a breakfast date. I took him to a nice Mom and Pop place he had never been to before. I was going through some challenges with work and needed to vent. I had begun to notice how his plate gradually became cleaner and cleaner, while mine remained full and was getting colder and colder. He didn't say much during MY talk and was able to finish his breakfast. When I was done with my vent session, I picked up my fork and began to eat my breakfast. While I was eating, he found his moment to talk. He began with " I am so proud of you" " You do what you love for a living and that's just great!" He continued on with stating "Grandma would be so proud" By the time I was done with my breakfast, I think they began serving lunch! Uncle Pete didn't just listen well , but spoke when he clearly noticed I was done. There is something to be said about "selfless conversation" He allowed me speak, then spoke words of pure affirmation when the time was right. He never interrupted, hardly lost eye contact and didn't get distracted. I needed a good listener and it looked like I had came to the right place.
APPLICATION -
For the next 45 mins of this kind lady's story, I practiced at the sleepiest state, a "selfless conversation" such as Pete did so many times with me. I let her do the talking, sat back and told myself "Maybe there is something to learn from this" When she was done with the story, I didn't take anything from it, only the fact that she needed to talk more than I needed to sleep. She was going through many changes in her life and was very excited about the 3 year retirement plan she had with her husband. She had a passion for singing and taught a small group of children weekly at her home. She spoke about politics for a bit then changed the subject to travel. By the end of the conversation, I noticed I hardly said 2 words. She ended her story by saying " You poor thing, go to sleep, I'm going to watch a movie" With that said, I grabbed my blindfold and headed off into a deep sleep.
I woke up feeling temporarily refreshed. It felt good to have practiced "Selfless Conversation" with a total stranger. I feel it strengthened a communication skill I needed so badly to practice. If I become just half the listener that Pete was, I'll feel confident I can give my loved ones what they need in a time of hardship. Active listening .... who would have thought?
REFLECTION -
Sometimes people just need to talk. Next time a friend or family member listens to you in a time of need, thank them and remind them that you are there for them to return the favor. Sometimes, it's the best gift you can give someone, loved one or not
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