MEMORY -
A sad, but very vivid memory ...... our family preparing for Pete's hospice experience. I was shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond when I received a phone call from Uncle Pete. His voice was worn as his sentences were broken up with severe hiccups that were being caused by the cancer. Nothing could prepare me to hear what was about to come out of his mouth. In a calm, relaxed voice he said "Hunny, can you pick up a pair of sheets for my hospice bed?" I stuttered over my words trying to find the simple one worded "yes" answer. I followed with "Any particular kind?" I know it wouldn't matter to him, but it was the only thing I could think of saying, still in a state of shock. I remember thinking to myself "These are the sheets he will die in" It had finally hit me of how real this whole thing was becoming. Death was approaching and there was nothing we could do but prepare, that's exactly what Pete did. As freaked out as I was by the whole thing, I was honored to do him one last favor. I ended up picking out the softest sheet set in the store. He deserved nothing but the best ..... all the way till the end.
With sheets at hand, I assured him I bought the comfiest. He thanked me and in a stern voice said " I'll pay you when you get here" I abruptly said " I got it covered, please just go rest" With Pete still maintaining the little independence he had left he said "Jenny, don't be silly, please take the money, I won't have you pay for this" At that moment, I realized that this had nothing to do with money. He was going to a place where money was no longer needed. I felt he wanted to stay in control with his hospice decision all the way down to the minor details. A sense of control, in an uncontrollable situation seemed to comfort him deeply. After all, this is what Hospice is all about ....... comfort. It was only right that I do what was asked of me.
When I handed him the sheets, he took his wallet out to give me money. So shook up by the whole thing, I don't even recall anything past the wallet. I don't remember me taking the money nor rejecting it, but whatever I did, it must have made Pete happy.
APPLICATION -
This evening, I was at Mom and Dad's house going over the Holiday schedule for the weeks to come. Mom and I found our way into her scrapbook room chatting like two best friends do. During our talk, Peter's sheet set came up. It was brief, hardly talked about and actually led into another topic of discussion. It stuck in the back of my mind throughout our chat, as I began reliving that day at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I began to feel Peter's spirit fill the space around me. After all, the scrapbook room was the room where Peter passed, making that moment of reflection even more real and impactful.
REFLECTION -
I feel death is very similar to birth. It's not an end, yet a re-birth of your spiritual self. When you are born, the nurse gently wraps you up in a birth blanket and hands you over to your mother. In this case, I was the nurse bringing Peter his second birth blanket, while his mother, yet again awaits his birth but this time, from the other side. Birth and Death are merely moments of un-experienced "newness"in which both are comforted in softness.
It was a heart crushing thing to do at the time, but it was in this state of helplessness, I was really helping the most.
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